My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.

I'm watching some television tonight. I'm watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. You're flickin' around, all of a sudden - boom - you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.

Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.