I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you're done and you're just glowing and you're staring at yourself.

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!

My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The thing that sucked is when I would go collecting everyone acted like they were not home. Totally sucked but because I could control the weather I showered trashcan size hail down on their homes until they were completely decimated.