Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations and things like that. It's heavy stuff, but it's enlightening because it makes me think I shouldn't be afraid of sharing ideas and thoughts with people. It's the yin and the yang of life.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

If you're 1 of the 3 girls in pics with a greaseball whose arms are around you at a club you lose at life. If you're the greaseball you win.

Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?