When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.

I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

Are there glass shards in my anus?!

It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.

If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.