I'm a late-night guy.

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.

I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.

I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.

Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?

I'm really great in other peoples relationships.