I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you're done and you're just glowing and you're staring at yourself.

Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.