I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.