Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?

You can't teach an old hater new truths.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.

I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.