I'm watching some television tonight. I'm watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. You're flickin' around, all of a sudden - boom - you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, "If you ever yell at me to "stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go" again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off."