I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe for me. I can do stand-up in front of twenty-five thousand people, and I'm like, "I know how to do this. This is what I do." I want to be a little scared.

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.