There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!

I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'

Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.