How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.

I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.