I live my life like there's no yesterday.

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.