You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.

Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.

When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!