I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.

Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.

Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch.

Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.