It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.

Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?

I get so into the moment.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'

We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.