It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.

Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.

There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.