Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a lil' angel flies out and says 'good morning, life is beautiful!'.

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.

Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.