Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!