I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.
I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.