When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Dane CookIf you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Dane CookVideo games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
Dane CookWhat am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.
Dane Cook