It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

I don't like people that litter. If you don't throw a wrapper in the trashcan and you just toss it out on the ground I wanna take you and toss you into outer space.

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

I live my life like there's no yesterday.

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.