You can't teach an old hater new truths.
Are there glass shards in my anus?!
I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch.
My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.