I'm going to hell, ah... but you're laughing, so you're coming.

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.

When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.

Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.