I'm going to hell, ah... but you're laughing, so you're coming.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

I won't take no for a question.

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.