I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!

I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.