I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?