If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.

If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.

I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.

If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.

I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.