If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.

You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.

It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.