If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.