I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.

I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.