I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.