I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.

Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, "you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun."

I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again.

Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.