I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.