My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.

Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.