I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

Describe your perfect man who looks like me.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.