Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.

One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.

I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.