I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.