Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with.

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (my dad) is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.

Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.