Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.

The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.

If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.

Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.