I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.

We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk?

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.