Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Technically it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.