I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.

Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.