You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.

You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.