You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.