Hereโs what I tell people now when they come to my shows: โFirst of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.โ
Daniel ToshMaking a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.
Daniel ToshYou know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.
Daniel ToshDo you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel ToshI think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.
Daniel Tosh