You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.