You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.

I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It's really made the touring a lot less grueling. A lot of people get to this level and they're like, Now I do four cities in one week and they tour nonstop. I'm like, No, that sounds miserable. I'll just do two weekends a month. But whenever I'm in some awful place geographically, it's no longer that awful, because you've got the Internet and television.

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.