You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.