I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable.

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.