I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.

You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.