Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.