e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Describe your perfect man who looks like me.