One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.