Until I see proof of this reincarnation or cloning, I'm gonna live up this life. That was kinda the path I took. But I fulfilled my obligations.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity.

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Well, a few minutes later, I was on a plane and this little kid was kicking my seat repeatedly, while his sister sang along with her walkman and their mother just sat there. I almost turned around and went off, and then I caught sight of my bracelet. What would Jesus do? So I lit them on fire and sent them all to Hell.

One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.

Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.