Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.