I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.