It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.