I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.

The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.