I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!