I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

By the way, nothing I ever say, ever, has any truth behind it.

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.