High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again.

I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience.