High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (my dad) is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.